Mean Girls 2: How To Ruin An Hour And A Half Of Your Time

Just to start things off, I initially tried to write this review several days ago, but the power in my apartment building went out – an act I assume was performed directly from God himself. However, I have managed to watch Mean Girls 2 in its entirety without interruption. So lets begin.

Our main character is Jo. Shes a tom-boy; and we know this because she likes cars. And shop class. And she rides a Vespa. Shes basically SUPER alternative. However, the Plastics hate this. Who are the Plastics, you ask? Well there is Mandi – spelled with an “i” - Hope – who is a hypochondriac because she got mono from a drinking fountain once – and Chastity – who is a whore (irony!). Lets take a look at them, shall we?

Initially, the Plastics realize that Jo is, for lack of a better term, a regulation hottie, so they try and recruit her into their cult of tacky hair accessories and cropped blazers. However, Jo is far too boyish for these silly girl games so she tells them to take a hike. Meanwhile she meets a boy in shop class who – at first – treats her like a dumb girl that cant do anything but decorate bird houses, but becomes charming at the drop of a hat. I think its mostly because of this:

You might recognize him as Spencers boyfriend-but-not-any-more-because-we-havent-seen-him-in-5-weeks Alex from Pretty Little Liars. But here, he is Tyler: the boy that takes his shirt off and conveniently showers in public with a water bottle. Eventually, they go on a date, which seems to be a lot of fun mostly based on this face:

THIS DATE IS THE FUCKING BEST! At least that is what you would expect from this kind of face. That, or someone just stuck a finger up his ass. More or less, what ensues is a montage of awesome dating things, such as feeding each other, and not having sex. However, there is another problem at hand. Jo really wants to go to Carnegie Mellon University, but her father lost her tuition money because “the economy is bad” (probably a gambling habit [totally just a theory]). Enter Abby, the token loser art girl at school:

When Jo has sympathy on her after her car gets pelted with paintballs by EVERY other student at school, she gives her a ride home on her Vespa, where she also meets Abbys father. Her dad is SUPER bummed that she is a loser art girl, so he offers to pay Jos way through college if she will be Abbys friend. However Mandi HATES when Abby has friends since she is slightly – just slightly – richer than her. Thus, Mandi makes it her sworn mission to terrorize Jo and Abby as much as possible, mostly because she is just a mean girl (see what I did there?!). From here on out, the plot becomes, more or less, a series of montages.


For the sake of brevity, I am going to try and explain this as simply as possible. For about 45 minutes, Jo and Mandi go back and forth to make each others lives a living hell, culminating in Abby throwing a party the same day as Mandis birthday; and NO ONE THROWS A PARTY THE SAME DAY AS MANDI. For the party, Abby and Jo pretend they are Avril Lavigne circa 2002:

Mandi tries to sabotage the party, but epically fails, resulting in her boyfriend puking on her “Versace” dress:

Lesson learned: when youre a bitch, people will vomit on you.


At this point, the Plastics have had it. ITS WAR, BITCHES. Mandi does some serious meddling in order to get Jo expelled from school by stealing some charity money for the Humane Society and planting it in her shed. Jo does happen to get expelled – compromising her chances at attending Carnegie Mellon. OH NO! But rather than, say, going through the police or any other type of legitimate channels to clear her name, she challenges the Plastics to – wait for it... - A POWDER PUFF FOOTBALL GAME. Because that is clearly how rude-ass bitches deal with their problems (facepalm).


Did I mention that this movie is terrible? Because it is.


Jo readies her team with very technical football training such as this:

Now, I never personally played football, but Im pretty sure thats not how you train for a big game. It looks more like you are about to grab Katy Perrys tits. But then again, Im not a big sports enthusiast, so I could be wrong.


Either way, the big game happens, Mandis team loses (obviously), she gets fingered for stealing the money from the Humane Society, and essentially becomes a social pariah with the rest of her peers. Totally predictable, right? Jo gets into Carnegie Mellon on a scholarship; Loser Abby goes to art school because shes a loser, and Mandi falls into obscurity, never to be seen again.

Now, obviously this movie doesnt live up to its predecessor – primarily because a certain Lohan is missing from the equation – but I cant say that I wasnt entertained. I mean, between the vast array of ladys blazers, the gross multi-colored extensions, AND the fact that the cute boy from Pretty Little Liars was involved, I cant really complain. It was an interesting movie, a movie filled with far too much plot and not enough LiLo, but interesting none-the-less. So if you feel like spending an hour and a half of your time trying to figure out the constructs of girl-dom, watch the original; because this one does NOT do it justice.